In this edition of For the Love of Greenstein, I'll be highlighting some of the outstanding work done by Drake Greenstein as a first year husband in letter fashion:
Drake, where do I even begin. I have had the most amazing time of my entire life with you for the past 365 days. I cannot even begin to fathom how a full year has passed by us. I am so immensely impressed with how you've stepped into the role of a husband and all of the sub-roles that that entails. Before the wedding when I moved to Austin, there were many things you did for me, and that goes without saying. But Drake, there is something about the way you fully stepped into your role as a husband after we said "I do". It's funny how I always talk about innate things that come out within me as a woman since the wedding -- the urge to be a mother, the urge to be a caretaker, the urge to manage a household by cleaning and making sure it's aesthetic and homey, the urge to cook and bake homemade things for you that are from scratch and so we know the ingredients are pure -- but rarely do we talk about the things that innately came out in you. Drake, you have proven yourself to be a provider, a leader, a lover, a comforter, and a supporter in every single way. There isn't a single day that has gone by that I haven't felt taken care of or supported physically, financially, and emotionally. My love, you have given me a life I could only dream of before you. The things we do, the places we go, the items we have... I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am for it all. You've given me a life full of adventure and love, but perhaps most importantly to me, a life of security. I know, maybe that shouldn't be the most important thing. Our love and laughter should be. And believe me when I say it's not about materialism. Don't get me wrong, it it's our love and relationships with Christ that keep us going each day. But admittedly, growing up in an unstable home financially can do numbers on you as a kid. You're blessed enough to have never known a life of just being a kid and your water getting shut off, or your lights. I used to be such a stickler about you turning the lights off when we first moved in together and you tried to comply, but after a while you said "I don't want to stress about things like lights being on." ...*pause for emphasis*... Do you have any idea what that shifted in me mentally? My entire life, I was conditioned to have certain survival mechanisms, and with one sentence of stern assurance, you granted me the gift relief, ease, solace. I knew I would be taken care of -- I could let down my guard of needing to do the taking care of and allow myself to be taken care of. What you may not know is that you literally altered my brain in a way I didn't think possible for myself. And with each day, your actions chisel away at that guard. Granted, old habits die hard so I will continue to use the toothpaste to the very last drop; I will cut that bad boy open if i have to. But even with silly little things like that, I now practice those habits with a healthy mindset of not being wasteful, not out of survival. The way you go to work every. single. day. and give 100%, 110%, 150%... it's truly remarkable and admirable. And I know you love it, but with each call, text, or slack about a deal closing, I can't help but get the feeling of butterflies in my tummy, like the little girl in me is healing and finally knows she's safe. Everyday you go into work to make sure you and I are provided for above and beyond our needs. And what you may not realize is that with each day that passes, where you work sometimes past your mental limits, I am reassured that if it ever came down to it, you would take the very shirt off of your back to make sure I was safe and sound. I know I am putting a lot of emphasis on this, but you have no idea how much I sincerely appreciate what you do for our tiny family. I have all the reassurance I need that you will be not just an excellent father because you're fun and playful and a hard worker, but because you are selfless, and I have no doubt in my mind that you would do whatever means necessary to make sure that everyday our babies wake up with the same sense of safety and security that you've given me the gift of.
Pause the writing for a brief intermission. I am currently in the office writing this, bawling my eyes out with an overflowing of emotion while you're in the main rooms cleaning and all I hear over the Alexa "It's a beautiful night / We're looking for something dumb to do / Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you / Just say I do". It's making me more emotional as I sit and reflect back on our wedding and the gift of marriage that's come since that day.
Okay, now that I've gotten myself together, I want to bring some encouragement to you (I know, as if I haven't tooted your horn enough already). I want to apologize for anytime I ever made you feel inadequate as our spiritual leader. I know I know it's a touchy subject and you're probably thinking to yourself "Why did she bring this up?" but I did because it's a realistic part of the success of our marriage and we can't always be sunshine and cupcakes. I want to add that as failed as you may feel in that area, I do, too. I as your wife should be praying for you to feel confident in leading me that way. I as your wife should be interceding for you. But there are many days that go by where I didn't pray for you. I'd love nothing more than to say I wake up every morning and pray for my husband. Thoughts of "What kind of wife am I if I haven't even prayed for him?" or "I'm all talk and no walk. I preach the power of prayer, yet come up short in action." or "Prayer is free, and I can't even discipline myself to speak for 30 seconds a day." or "What kind of fraud am I? I claim to be a Christian woman, but Christian women should be diligent prayers, especially for their husbands." I tell you this humbly so you know that in many ways, I feel as if I've failed, too. I hope me saying this encourages you, as it has me, to be accountable in year 2 of our marriage. There's so much we had to learn about being husband and wife this year, not everything was going to come naturally and quickly. But it's never too late to start healthy habits in our marriage, and I would like to establish them before children so that they are born into a spiritually strong home, not just individually, but collectively as a unit. I think I've held pretty true to my vows, there are many a night where I had to humble my heart to not fall asleep angry with you as I promised on that day, but prioritizing our spiritual health is one I've admittedly dropped the ball on my end, as well. So, I would like to renew that vow today, promising to pray for you every day, and I hope that gives you the encouragement and support you need from me as your helper.
Drake there are so many songs of praises I could sing to you of how you've loved me in the past 5.5 years, but especially this past one, but I'll just name a few to sum it all up: Thank you for taking what I say and implementing feedback (almost) each time. Thank you for loving me when I'm hard to love. Thank you for doing all the blue jobs that I think are gross. Thank you for rubbing my feet when you don't want to. Thank you for spoiling me with gifts that bring smiles to my face. Thank you for watching all my girly shows with me. Thank you for doing paint nights with me. Thank you for learning to love country music for me. Thank you for loving my family as you own flesh and blood. Thank you for (mostly) learning to clean like me. Thank you for prioritizing my well being above your own. Thank you for all of the laughs, cries, adventures, monumental moments, simple days, cuddles, kisses, deep hugs, and love that we've been blessed to share in the last year.
God could not have given me a better man to be my other half. I will thank Him all the days of my life for putting our love in His will for us. I pray we can be the testimony of faithful marriage our parents didn't get the chance of having at first. I pray we can be a model to our children and families of God's goodness and faithfulness. I pray for many more days on this Earth with you (I think like 25,567 will do).
I love you.
Your wife,
Mrs. Kierstianna Greenstein
